Day 3: Autism diagnosis or discovery story

Today’s topic is about the reaction to a discovery or diagnosis of autism. My sister found out her son had Asperger’s around the time he was in first or second grade. My father was the one who told me. He explained to me that my nephew had Asperger’s, and said it was a form of autism.

I had never heard of Asperger’s, but I did know about autism. At the time, neither terms were in great circulation. This was around the time of DSMIII (Late 80s), when Asperger's and Autism were separate diagnoses. Whatever the case, I knew he was in good hands. My sister and her husband have worked very hard to get him through public school, the army, and two associate degrees.

My siblings and other nieces and nephews accepted him as he is. We enjoyed his odd sense of humor (we are all very irreverent), his fascination with horror movies, Star Trek, video games and the military. We know he is a stickler for detail and will call you out on any mistake you make on any of those subjects. He can be brusque at times, but we know he has a good heart and the right intentions.

When my sister and her husband received the diagnosis for their son, we lived far apart and spoke infrequently, and because they kept their son involved in everything like the rest of his cousins, I assumed everything was fine. My sister would get frustrated and express it privately from time-to-time – to me, her husband, our parents – but publicly she acted as if her son was just another child who deserved an education. Her rare displays of anger were reserved for school officials who did not pull their weight or neighbors or friends who mistreated her son from time-to-time.

I’ve long admired my sister and her husband for seeming to sail through this calmly and without a hiccup. They made it look easy. They acted as partners and their marriage is still strong after 34 years. But there was a lot of hard work, and many tears and struggles behind the scenes. It makes their accomplishments – marriage and in raising their children - all the more admirable.

There is an Autism community page on my company's internal website. Many people post there about their children. It is impressive how they share it so freely. Some members tell me that many “side conversations” take place in which they support one another or suggest help. If that’s all the  community ever achieves, Then it is a success. The community is there for many purposes, support being one of them.